"Fast & Furious" Rifftrax is Released

Did you like the 2001 sleeper hit The Fast and The Furious, but are you really not a fan of definite articles?

Then 2009's Fast & Furious is the movie for you! After the twin triumphs of The Pacifier and Babylon A.D., Vin Diesel has finally reunited with his co-star from The Fast and The Furious: a several-sizes-too-small wife-beater! Also returning is the other guy from The Fast and The Furious (legal name: The Other Guy From The Fast and The Furious), shocking those of us who were pretty confident that he was the guy that had helped us try on shoes the other day at Famous Footwear.

When his girlfriend is murdered, Vin Diesel is forced to return to the US where he is wanted for...well that isn't really made clear. But before he even has a chance to mumble something unintelligible in a really deep voice under his breath, he finds himself in the race of his life! Seriously, the races often feel like they have lasted for the duration of a human lifetime. But at least in between the interminable driving scenes we're treated to a rich, nuanced film tapestry, featuring the very finest in Stock Characters spouting refined Screenplay Clich├ęs. If your idea of a good time is watching the Angry Chief say "Talk to me", you're in for quite a thrill ride (just make sure to "lock and load.")

Mike, Kevin and Bill hopped into the sidecar for Fast & Furious, but were concerned by the lack of seatbelts for all three of them so they instead observed it from a reasonable distance.

**Viewers note: It is not necessary to have seen The Fast and The Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, 2 Fast 2 Be 4ious, The Love Guru, The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift, 2 Fast 2 Furious: 2 Tokyo 2 Drift, The Muppets Take The Fast and The Furious, or The Furious and The Fast Bald Man (Thailand Bootleg version) to follow the plot of Fast and Furious**