"Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" Rifftrax is Released

Robots sent from the future into the past to kill people who will one day become important to the war against machines are like cockroaches – no matter how many of ‘em you kill, there’s always another, showing up one day naked in a little glowing ball of energy (the robots from the future, not cockroaches.

Well, to be clear, the cockroaches show up naked as well, but without the little glowing ball of energy.) The point is, humanity’s loss is our gain, as Terminator 3 offers another chance for Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger to show off his prodigious acting chops [i.e., his pecs].

Kristanna Loken co-stars as the ruthless Termanatrix, a superior model of robot with, I think you’ll agree, a superior bare backside, altogether less hairy, not nearly as Austrian, with smooth, clean lines and a… anyway, back to the synopsis.

Arnold must protect John Connor (Nick Stahl) not only from the Terminatrix, but also, because the kid is a supremely annoying presence, from all those who want to slap him, and that encompasses everyone who has ever met him.

Things get complicated when a whiny young irritant named Kate (Claire Danes) locks John into an unhygienic dog kennel and refuses to even worm him. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is a big, dumb movie filled with big, dumb people. Kevin Murphy and Mike Nelson are two big, dumb guys who are just dumb enough to take it on!